Computer Dating Profile Naming

I have received several requests lately to create "profile names" for people who date from their computers. Here is the latest letter:

Dear Gabooldra,

I am a big fan. I am coming back to dating at a time a bit later in my life, and I'm giving Internet dating a go. The problem is: I have to come up with a profile name. I want one that is upfront about my age, but that still manages to be at least a little sexy (I'm 34).

My sweet son, Camden, helped me come up with several profile names. Will you take a look and let me know your thoughts ...?

Thanks,

34-And-Back-in-the-Pool!

POTENTIAL DATING PROFILE NAMES

• MenopausalMaybe;)
• ProbablyStillFertile3:16
• In_Heat_With_Crow's_Feet
• AlmostBornIn'69,Baby!
• Diagnosed_With_HOTseoperosis
• FrozenEggs_N'_HotLegs
• DeMENtiaForU
• HawtFlashy
• Thoroughly Modern MILFY
• Camden'sMom69
• Salt-And-Pepper-Down-There

I don't want to take the time do Googles of each of these names, but I can bet you big bucks that most are not original. My intern agrees with me that some are even crude. Below find my reply to "34-And-Back-in-the-Pool!:

Dear 34,

I don't like any of those names. I suggest you go with "Esozzule." Also, your son could use a new name. "Blarksloe" would be far more fitting than the one he has now.

I usually would charge you $6,500 for these suggestions, but business is good, and I feel sorry for you for having to date on your computer. In fact, why would you date at all? I don't.

-Gabooldra

So, as you can see, in addition to naming children and infant pets, I also now name daters. Fees will apply moving forward.

-Gabooldra